Chapter 1: Become self-aware
Beliefs and confidence will empower us to have a thriving career.
Being aware of your beliefs will give you a choice with what you do next. You can choose to build empowering beliefs. You can choose to build your confidence. You can empower yourself to live a thriving career.
Take 20-30 minutes to walk through these exercises on beliefs, inner critic, and confidence and build a habit to practice them daily.
Exercise #1: Beliefs
Which beliefs are helping you and which beliefs are hindering you? Some beliefs hold us back from being our best self. For example, I may decide that I want to become a great storyteller. If I have a belief that I can never be a great storyteller, that will become true. My belief will hold me back. But, if I turn that belief into a positive statement, such as I am going to become a great storyteller with research, preparation, and practice and I follow through with it, I will become a great storyteller.
We all have beliefs that hold us back in one way or another.
Take 5-10 minutes to list the beliefs that are holding you back.
Now, reflect on how these beliefs are impacting your life or your career.
You can re-design these beliefs.
“I am not good enough” can turn into “I am not good enough, yet.”
“I don’t know this topic” can turn into “I don’t know this topic, yet.”
“I can never do this” can turn into “I can do the first step.”
You get the idea.
Action: Take 5-10 minutes to list your new, positive beliefs.
Each time you recognize the negative belief, replace it with the new belief. Practice this over the next 5 days.
Exercise #2: Inner critic
Some of our beliefs are tied to our inner critic or our saboteur. You’ll hear different names for our internal voice. There may be the critical voice, the perfectionist, the worrier, the pleaser, or any other type of inner critic. These are critics that used to help us at one point in our life, but now, may be getting in the way. It’s important to be self-aware of your inner critic and follow these steps.
Notice it
Name it
Be mindful
Assess it & question it
Choose a positive action or thought reframe
Act as if you’re an outside observer, looking at your thoughts and emotions. Notice what the inner critic is saying, name it (i.e. critical voice, worrier, etc.). Be mindful, take a few deep breaths or rub your fingers together to become present to this moment. Then start to assess and question the situation, what is true about the situation? what stories are you making up? what is helpful that the inner critic is saying? What is harmful? Look at the real situation, data and facts, not assumptions and stories. Then, what options do you have in this moment? Choose a positive action or thought reframe that is in alignment with your values.
This requires practice, so take it in stages over a few weeks.
Week 1: Notice and name your inner critic.
Week 2: Notice and name your inner critic and be mindful. Practice the deep breaths or rubbing your fingers together.
Week 3: Reflect on your day, identify where the inner critic came up and assess and question the situation. What were other positive options available to you? Reflect on future situations where you may be able to apply them.
Week 4: Practice in the moment. Notice it, name it, be mindful, assess & question it, choose a positive action or thought reframe. Practice.
This requires constant practice. There is no perfect, just practice. See what difference it makes in your life.
Action: add this week’s action to your action tracker, i.e. “notice and name your inner critic” and then add the next week’s action next week.
Exercise #3: Build confidence
With your beliefs identified and being aware of your inner critic, you’re ready to build up your confidence.
Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities
Confidence is developed from mindset, physical presence, and behaviors. Here are some reminders of how to build your confidence.
Mindset / Mental Confidence
Reflect on:
Your strengths: what are your top strengths? Think of examples of how you used them. How do they make you feel? You can pull these strengths from the previous exercise.
Your top accomplishments: remember what you’ve accomplished and how that feels.
Inner critic: when you hear the voice, the inner critic, chiming in, do the above exercise: notice it, name it, be mindful, assess & question it, choose a positive action or thought reframe.
Positive self-talk: Replace self-criticism with self-encouragement. Practice affirmations and focus on your strengths.
Set realistic goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way.
Visualize success: Imagine yourself succeeding in different scenarios. Visualization can help boost your belief in your abilities.
Face your fears: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Each time you confront your fears, you'll strengthen your confidence.
Learn from failure: See failure as an opportunity for growth rather than a setback. Reflect on what you've learned and how you can improve.
Physical
Create a confident physical stance, whether sitting up right or standing with presence. Stand or sit tall with your shoulders back. Changing your physical posture can create confident energy.
Exercise regularly: Physical activity releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and self-esteem. Find activities you enjoy, such as jogging, yoga, dancing, or other activities.
Dress for success: Wear clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable. Dressing well can boost your self-assurance in various situations.
Take care of your appearance: Practice good hygiene and grooming habits. Feeling clean and put-together can positively impact your self-image.
Practice relaxation techniques: Stress and tension can undermine confidence. Incorporate relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation into your daily routine to stay calm and centered.
Behaviors
Voice: use a clear tone, demonstrating you believe in what you’re saying. Not hesitant. Strong and clear. This does not mean loud, but an appropriate volume. End your sentences with a downward inflection, rather than asking a question with an upward inflection.
Language: remove “filler” words – “like,” “um,” etc. Make statements. Ask questions when you’re asking for information, buy-in, or clarity on next steps. Don’t second guess yourself in front of others or qualify what you’re about to say. Remove phrases like “I was just thinking” “I don’t know, but” “I could be wrong”, etc.
Speak up/Assert yourself: when you have something to add to the discussion, speak up. Depending on the culture, just speak up or raise your hand. If you’re not clear, ask questions. If you’re curious, ask questions.
Volunteer: offer to do assignments or offer ideas and follow through with them. Your engagement also shows confidence.
Preparation: confidence also comes from being prepared. Prepare for meetings, presentations, projects, etc. Brainstorm actions, questions, gather research, develop proposals, etc. What do you want to get out of each meeting? What’s your role and how can you prepare? Take the time to prepare and it will help with confidence.
Take initiative: Be proactive in pursuing your goals and interests. Take on new challenges and opportunities to showcase your abilities.
Learn new skills: Continuously seek opportunities to expand your knowledge and expertise. Acquiring new skills can enhance your confidence in your abilities.
Build social connections: Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who uplift you. Cultivate meaningful relationships that bolster your confidence.
Celebrate successes: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your accomplishments can reinforce your sense of confidence and competence.
Remember that building confidence is a journey, and it's okay to progress at your own pace. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work towards greater self-assurance in all aspects of your life.